Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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