in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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