I faked an abortion last night.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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