This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
