I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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