I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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