u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
