Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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