I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
