apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
