Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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