My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
