it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
