Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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