Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
