Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
