You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
