plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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