Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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