someone threw a dead crab at me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
