we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
