why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Randomize
