You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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