Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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