Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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