im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
