Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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