Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I understand Curling. That high.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
