I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
