i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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