When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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