I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
