she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
