nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
