So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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