3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
