I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
