i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
