update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
