sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
