Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
