I bet he comes in French.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
