I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
