why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
