is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize