The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
