he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
