we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
