I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
