It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
