so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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