My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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