I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
