Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
