well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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