You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
