the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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