i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
