He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
