Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
