I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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