i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
