It was confusing and full of hummus
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
