He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
