a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
