Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
