I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
