Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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